Following on from yesterday's blog post about how the dedicated staff at the Treetops Nursery in Henley-on-Thames get their little charges off to sleep, we've been thinking a lot about how little ones settle into nurseries, and how the care there differs from the one-to-one care at home.

And it seems to us, that the fact that so many babies and toddlers settle happily into nursery routines rather refutes the need for some of the rigorous regimes suggested by some of today's parenting gurus.

For instance, some gurus advocate totally blacked-out bedrooms; others also decree that babies should be left to cry themselves to sleep;  no parent is ever encouraged to go and check on their child whilst sleeping and all babies should be placed alone in a cot from which they can't escape etc. etc. 

And yet at this delightful nursery – along with so many others, I'm sure – the toddlers are placed on mattresses on the floor;  the room is not totally blacked out allthough the lights are dimmed; they are most certainly not left on their own and not encouraged to cry themselves to sleep; and  once the staff have stroked and patted them off to sleep they're monitored every 10 minutes to make sure they're all OK.

So strange really that so many rules and regulations are imposed on new parents via these so-called parenting 'gurus' only to be completely overturned once the child goes to nursery.  Seems to suggest that children will fit in whatever and that too much stress has been dumped on too many parents who've beenn made to fear if they're not in total control things have got out of hand.

 I visited TreeTops Nursery in Henley yesterday to see how they run things there.  It's an amazing place – with its own indoor soft play area – and I arrived in time to watch some of the little ones have their lunch.  Amazing when I think how hard it is to get through lunchtimes here sometimes, with only two grandchildren, to see around 20 of them quietly sitting down and eagerly eating up their lunches!

Then I watched while some of the staff getting the toddlers off to sleep.  I've always wondered how nursery staff manage to do this – and now I know!  They dim the lights, put on soothing music and one nursery practioner sits on the floor between two toddlers rubbing or patting their backs until they drift off!  Remarkable really but very effective!

I know parents and grandparents don't always want to be having to help children to sleep – but if just a little back rub like this works, I'm certainly putting it in my toolbox for future use!

Wide ranging chat with Bill Buckley this morning at BBC Radio Bekrshire on various family matters – from the agony of suicide and the damaging effect on those left behind, to how young people are obsessed by body image today and what grandparents can do – if anything – to help them avoid eating disorders.  We also covered Pippa Middleton's new party planning business and wondered why grandparents aren't asked to step in more often to help today's frantically busy parents organise childrens' birthday parties.  Sounds like an excellent idea to me as we grandparents do have masses of experience of childrens' parties and we know all the old nursery rhymes and games and so on.  Maybe it's a trend that'll take off!

Lovely discussion about grandparenting with Mary Berry today – which I shall post up here shortly.  What a delightful person she is and was a wonderfully long and successful career she's had.  I recall attending one of her Aga instruction days many years ago and watching her as she glided around her lovely kitchen, whisking up delicious dishes seemingly effortlessly.  She's obviously one of those people with a natural instinct for cookery – as well as a great deal of imagination which has kept her career fresh and up-to-date.  But you need more than that to stay ahead in the game of tv chefs – and she obviously has what it takes to keep on going long after many other tv faces have disappeared.  A privilege to talk to her. Watch this space.

The last few days of listening to the Leveson inquiry has pointed up clearly just how damaging to family life press harrassment can be.  I'm not talking about Max Mosely here – he's brought his own problems on himself – but it's been heart wrenching listening all week to other comments from parents of murdered children, or missing children, or simply celebrities going about their daily lives in fear for the themselves and their childrens' safety. 

Press intrusion into grief is inexcusable and we can only guess at how much additional suffering this causes.  But sympathy's also been aroused for some of the celebrities whose lives have been ruined.

Apart from the physical dangers, and loss of freedoms caused by gangs of paparazzi on motorbikes chasing celebs, orcamping out on their doorsteps, there's also been the mistrust sewn in the minds of people who simply couldn't understand how their innermost secrets were getting out into the press.  Hearing Sienna Miller describe this morning how she got her mother, sister and two best friends illustrated this graphically.

I hope that whatever else Leveson achieves, it will be such a strong revulsion from all of us  that such tactics become unacceptable.

So, so good to see that – at last – something might be done about the corrosive effect of extraordinarily high executive pay – and most particularly the enormous gaps between the highest paid in some companies compared to the average pay of the ordinary employee.

We're old enough to have seen this timebomb coming, and can remember back to the 90's when salaries seemed to start creeping up.  In those days we thought £250,000 was an enormous sum.  When we heard of people earning that, we would gaze on them in awe and wonder what on earth they spent their money on.  This was at a time when ordinary salaries were much much lower, of course, but nevertheless even well-heeled people couldn't quite work out why any one person could be worth so much, or what on earth he'd find to spend it on.  And it did always seem to be men, in those days, that we were talking about!

But today, one of these top bankers, someone like John Varley, featured in the Guardian article, would sniff at the very idea of only earning a quarter of a million pounds.  He's said to be on over £4 million – and, again, the question has to be asked ' how can he possibly be worth that' and 'what on earth does he find to spend it on?'  Surely one million is plenty for anyone.

But the real point of these obscenely high salaries that we've witnessed escalate over the last 20 years is that they are so out of kilter with what everyone else has to manage on.  And for there to be such vast differentials between the highest paid in a company compared to the average pay is quite scandalous. 

It's been clear that these salaries have been foist on us by a cartel of big earners trying to ensure that they continue to profit while the rest of us stay put, or even go backwards.  It feels now though that the time is right to address this issue.  Let's hope Vince Cable grasps the nettle this time for the sake of those young people growing up amongst us who see no prospect of a job, or a future, let alone one on a meagre average salary of £25,000.

Fascinating Tonight programme last night about insomnia.  We sympathise with anyone who has this problem;  it must be an absolute nightmare to live with.

The presenter Geraint Vincent wrote a revealing piece in the Observer at the weekend about how four nights of broken sleep made him feel:

'My feet hurt when I walked, there was an ache in my back and I had a constant shivery feeling.  I felt a weird sense of alienation, Like i was a visitor to the world.  Normal life was something I was looking at, not taking part in.'

This describes precisely how I feel – or rather have felt – when I've had to spend time up in the night with the grandchildren. Luckily, now they're older it doesn't happen any more but it is horrid when it does.  The whole of the next day is ruined for me as I kind of float through it rather as described above.

It points up to me how awful it must be for those parents of children who never sleep through the night properly,  and for all those grandparents who are bringing up their grandchildren on their own.  Sleep gets more important as you get older, so it must be really really hard for them.

At least though if we can pass on this information about how bad lack of sleep makes you feel, maybe all those who are suffering will get more sympathy from the rest of us.

We've blogged about this before (2nd  November) but now we see that Saga is joining in the campaign to help relieve fuel poverty by encouraging those who can afford not to take up their Winter Fuel Allowance to donate it to others who really need it. 

It's a worthy idea and one that we hope will catch on because we all know people who find it hard getting through severe winters on very modest incomes. 

It's a similar idea to Howard Zetter's Fuel Our Youth – except that this time the money goes from one set of pensioners to another.  So if you don't need your Winter Fuel Allowance, you can now choose whether to hand it over to others in your age group – or to the young.

Good Luck to both campaigns.

We had the grandchildren overnight on Friday – and it was lovely, as ever, to see how little ones love life, how their enthusiasm for everything around them leads them to run everywhere, rushing at the toy cupboard to retrieve a favourite toy, dashing into the playground to be first on to the trampoline or up the pirate ship. 

Of course, with boys aged 2 and nearly 4, things aren't always all sweetness and light!  They squabble over toys, get annoyed with each other when one beats the other to the climbing frame or slide, and don't like it when one appears to be getting more attentiion from us

We try ever so hard to play 'fair';  to make sure that we divide our attention up equally between the two, to explain why one may be entitled to a turn with a toy, to sing the virtues of sharing, to make sure that there's never a chance for one of them to feel left out or overlooked.

All this seems relevant this morning, as Anti-Bullying Week begins today: it seems important to point out that bullying often starts in the home – either when parents bully their children, delighting in being the boss and throwing their weight around, or when siblings sense that life isn't fair because their parents favour one child – openly – over another.

When counselling teenagers, I found that it was unfairness at home that most often triggered their problems.  No one likes to feel they're being treated unfairly or unjustly.  If one child is told off too often when it's not their fault, or if one child is clearly picked on or neglected or excluded from a parent's affection, this can all too quickly lead to resentment which can, in its turn lead to anger.  And an angry child is likely to turn into a bully the minute he or she finds an easy target.

So I'm hoping that the government, in its plans for re-structuring Sure Start and offering parenting classes for the needy, makes sure that lessons on  sibling rivalry – and how to avoid it – play a big part.  Ensuring all children are brought up with good feelings of self worth and without resentment is surely the best way to outlaw bullying in our society.

Jilly Cooper's upsetting experience while talking on Woman's Hour yesterday reminds us of the dangers of offering advice.   Apparently the reissuing of her book 'How to Stay Married' led to an interview  withJenny Murray who asked the obvious question about whether she followed her own advice (to turn a blind eye) when she learned of her husband's long affair.  The result, was apparently, a long silence!

This points up to us the risks involved in such 'How to' books.  They seem all very well at first glance, but they don't half have the ability to drop us in it if we're found not to be following our own guidance!

I think of this often in relatiion to GrandparentsNow.  We could pool all our wisdom and produce a 'How to' book on grandparenting.  But once the thought pops into my head, I dismiss it quickly in the sure knowledge that it would probably sound patronising, that what's right for one grandparent isn't necessarily right for another, and that each family situation is unique – so that one person's advice wouldn't apply to many others.

But to me the greatest danger is that once we'd advocated one way of doing things, we'd most likely have to eat our words soon after!  Grandparenting, like marriage, involves so many unforseens, that it's best not to try to predict them, nor try to be so clever clever in advance that we pretend we know how to deal with them!